The Longest Winter - One Shot
by ColdSideOfTheWorld
Summary: "It had been a long three years since last I saw Tommy Conlon. I still remember what he told me and what he wore and how I just lost all hope in ever letting anything good happening to me again". Rated M for angst, mention of suicide and sexual content. A Tommy Conlon/OC.


_This story was never meant to be published, but I felt like I should put it up since I owe some people a Tommy Conlon story. It´s very angsty and personal, also extremely flawed, I ended up crying while writing this because it hit so close to home. So if you dont like angst or pain, you really shouldn't read it. You´ve been warned. _

And no man is an island, oh this I know  
But can't you see, oh?  
Maybe you were the ocean, when I was just a stone

So here we are...

And I don't wanna beg your pardon  
And I don't wanna ask you why  
But if I was to go my own way  
Would I have to pass you by?  
-Black Flies - Ben Howard

It had been a long three years since last I saw Tommy Conlon. I still remember what he told me and what he wore and how I just lost all hope in ever letting anything good happening to me again.

Losing someone or more like having to give up on them seems often more worse and heartbreaking then death.  
For three whole damn years I didnt hear from him, I only heard what other people told me, that he had joined the Marines and did a tour in Iraq or Afghanistan. Made a life for himself with some woman he had met during this time, that´s at least what my mother told me on our weekly visit to Grandpa´s.

I honestly never expected to see Tommy Conlon again, but here he was standing right in front of me in his best uniform looking at me with those bewildered grey eyes I always used to get so lost in.

-"Can we talk, kid?" he took his hat off showing his newly cut hair and that side comb all slicked back, like he was walking straight out of a Jane Austin novel as the dashing young solder.

-"I´m at work" I answered looking at him, trying to take it all in trying to find the guy I used to play with when I was a kid, the guy that had taken my virginity and every other inch of innocence I had, including my heart.

A small smile formed on his lips, -"I see that, how about later" his accent was still the same, thick and rich like he never left Pittsburgh for another world.

-"I dont think so, Tommy, thanks for coming to visit, have a safe trip home and say hi to your pops from me" I answered ready to turn my heel.

-"For Christ sakes, Terra, I haven't seen you in years and that´s all you got say to me, I´ve thought about you every goddamn day!"

The lump in my throat kept growing and I felt my tears making me weak, I had to tell myself over and over again that this was just some damn joke, he was making a fool of me. This poor stupid, naïve little girl from the lower side of Pittsburgh that had fallen in love with a screwed up boy that shattered her her into million pieces. What a fucking cliché.

-"That´s nice of you, Tommy, but I´ve moved on" I swallowed sharply, getting ready to push the revolving door and flee, then the bastard caught my lie. That´s what Tommy was always was good at, reading my mind when nobody else could.

-"No you haven't, kid, I know you, I know what goes on inside of that head of yours, now come have a fucking coffee with me, tell me about your life, the weather, whatever you want, just sit with me, alright" he sounded angry in his tone almost desperate, but I wasn't going to let him do this to me again.

-"I have someone, he might get mad" and then I slipped into the back room pleaded Vinny, Cass´s eldest son to go and see if Tommy was still there. Thank god he had left, I could finally breathe or I thought I could.

Right after closing time I took out the trash and while locking the doors I spotted him around the corner in his ordinary clothes, a pair of trainers, sweats, his hoddie, and that devilish grin of his like this time I´d know what would happen if I ran.

-"Could you please just go home" I said trying to move passed him, but he just traded my steps and walked infront of me each time I tried. -"Not until I get to have a coffee with you" he smiled walking after me when I had turned my heel. He followed me the entire way home, asking stupid questions I was in no mood to answer.

-"So who´s your beau?" he asked hands in his hoodie head tilted back looking at me from an angle as we walked side by side.  
-"You wouldnt know him"  
-"Because he doesnt exist?"

Shit!

I shook my head, trying to seem like I didnt understand what he was talking about, but he had figured me out, I had no fucking boyfriend, I hadnt had anyone since Tommy screwed me over and left. It felt too painful filling up a void of where he used to be with someone else.

-"I´m right" he smiled looking down at the asphalt, I didnt say anything just kept walking, the quicker I got home, the faster he would leave.

-"You ever think about me?" he asked quietly, gazing up at the road ahead of us. We had walked this plane so many times before, the crooked floor of the asphalt, the same colored houses and fences, it wasnt a traditionally nice neighborhood, but growing up here it was paradise for us.

The tears got me again, and I tried shaking them off, the memories seemed fresh even after all these years. -"Sometimes, yeah, I did" I answered as coldly as possible.

-"I tried calling, even writing, just couldn't" he added quietly like he didnt want anyone to hear what kind of an awful confession it was to miss someone like me.

-"You shouldnt have" I said looking down into my purse finding my keys, we where just two feet away from my house and once we reached the porch steps he had already grabbed me by my hand and distracted me from getting into the house.

-"I´m sorry I left, kid" his voice was low, his eyes looked glassy and I felt a breakdown coming over me.

It was easy picturing all of the pain he had left me to deal with, how he wasn't there for my father´s funeral or my brother´s. It wasn't very easy to just turn cold when he was being so nice to me. Especially when all I wanted to do was yell at him and tell him how much I fucking hated his guts for two years, until I realized it was pointless and I moved on.

-"It´s fine!" I nodded my head, removing my arm from his grasp and getting up the first couple of steps.

I knew I was home free now, all I had to do was get through the door and I could finally cry in peace by myself.

-"You dont have to pretend like everything´s alright, I see it written all over your face, Terra, if you are mad at me just let me have it, hit me or something, I cant fucking stand this fake shit" he hissed after me, letting his hoodie fall down from his head and stepped up the stairs.

-"I´m not mad, Tommy, there is nothing to be mad about" I said putting the kea in the lock of the door and twisting.

Letting the familiarity of my house hit my senses and more memories of ten year old me and him running down these very porch steps. It was torturous to remember.

-"If your not mad at me, then invite me in" he coaxed pushing his foot between the door frame and me, I looked up at his grey eyes turning dark, he was serious, maybe not mad, but close to being so.

I let the door fall open so he could pass and he did, he walked through the living room looking around like it was a museum he hadn't visited before.

-"This place is the same" he commented taking his jacket off and leaving it over one of the sofa chairs.

I didnt answer just closed the door and put my purse down on the kitchen counter, watching him inspect and look at the pictures of me and my brothers.

-"How´s Carter?" he asked, glancing at me as I took two glasses out, I figured I could need a drink if I couldn't get to have a cry.

-"He´s fine, he´s got two sons of his own now: Luther and Ruben"

-"And your ma?" he walked up to me and took the glass of bourbon I had filled up, taking a sip, then waiting for an answer.

-"She´s fine too, got remarried last year to a car sales man called Frank" I took a sip too, it burned, exactly how I needed it to.

-"Carter named his first born after um..." Tommy paused, looking at me, then at his glass.

I just nodded my head, -"Yeah, he gave him Caleb´s middle name, figured it was only right"

-"He´s always been a good man, your big brother, even in the times he beat me up for teasing you" Tommy´s lips painted a faint smile, which died when the edge of the glass came close to his mouth and he swallowed the bourbon down whole, emptying the content.

-"Yeah, Carter still comes by sometimes, to see Grandpa with me, brings the too kids, along with his wife, Melissa"

The lump collected again in my throat and I took another sip of the bourbon letting it burn, taking a deep breath and looking at Tommy.

He was watching me, like he hadnt seen a person in years, amazement and sadness in his eyes, I guessed he was still surprised I was alive and kicking.

-"I hear about your accident"

-"Fuck, I´m gonna need another drink if you are gonna do this, Tommy" I answered grabbing the bottle, only to get his hand stretched over mine to take the flask away.

-"Why?" his whole body language changed like he was the one telling about his suicide.

-"I was low, it was bad, but I´m better now" I moved back into the counter of the kitchen, trying to stay away from him, I couldn't have him this close to me, it was too much.

-"Can see your wrists?"

I shook my head, swallowing again, hiding both my arms behind my back, biting my bottom lip waiting for him to either offer to leave or just tell me off.

-"We´ve been bestfriends, Terra, high school sweethearts, I know you better then I know myself, I just dont understand why you would.." Tommy´s voice was strict, something about it reminded me of my father, which made me flinch.

-"If you wanna give me a fucking lecture, Tommy, you can leave now"I answered trying to leave the area we where standing at, but he grabbed me by my waistline, pulling me back to his chest, pressing his lips to my back and breathing hot into my shirt.

-"Let me go" I protested, putting both my hands on his arms, tugging and trying to make him leave me alone, but he just tightened his grip, letting out a husky: "No"

-"Please let me go" I panicked more bucking against him, feeling my eyes get teary and the vision infront of me blur as tears fell down my cheeks.

-"LET GO OF ME" I screamed louder, hissing at him and even trying to claw at his arms.

It was all very pointless, Tommy was a hell of a lot stronger then me and he had gotten even more built up over the years from what I had felt on his arms.

-"Show me your hand" he ordered, taking a firmer grip around my stomach, placing his palm just under my breasts and dragging the cuff of my shirt down my wrist, exposing the deep cuts of what I did to myself two years ago.

His lips brushed up the inside of my wrist, touching the scars as he kissed them, I watched his mouth and the anger arose in me. How dare he do this to me now, come back whenever it fits him to do so, not to mention he had a girlfriend.

-"Let go of me" I hissed, trying to tug my hand away, but he just squeezed the grip harder,  
-"No, I´m not letting you go anymore, Terra, I´ve had it with having to give up things I want, and I want you back, I want us back" he whispered, turning me slowly around to face him.

-"I love you, I have loved you from the first moment I laid my eyes on you in first grade when you had that chemistry book under your arm and nobody wanted to sit with you because they thought you where strange for knowing the periodical table by heart" a silly smile painted on his full lips, like he was remembering it in his head.

-"I dont want you anywhere near me" I answered just as coldly as before, pushing at his chest with my palms, meeting another dead end at trying to remove myself from him.

Instead he just put his arms around me, holding me as I struggled, cussed him out and hit him.

-"Why couldn't you have just stayed away" I screamed clawing at his hoddie, forcing him to let me go, his hands moved up my spine and I could feel his breath at my neck, breathing me in, it made me freeze up and stop my movements.

His eyes where closed and he was just hugging me, for the first time in our relationship, he was just holding me there. I ran my hands up his shoulders, braided my fingers into the back of his head and let my body get pressed into his. He was warm and he smelled nice like always.

-"I´ll never leave you again, I swear to God, I came back for you" he mumbled in my ear, stroking his hand over my hair.

-"You got a girlfriend from what I have gathered" I answered back, moving my nose up his neck, just under his ear where all of the scents of his day would run away to.

-"You mean Manny´s wife, my army buddy´s wife, who I´ve been helping out because he´s still in Iraq"

I felt his lips move up against my shoulder as he kissed me and I couldnt help but just close my eyes and let out a weak whimper. It had been so long since anybody had touched me or held me this way.

-"Where´s your bedroom?" his voice husky in my ear.

In the bedroom he watched me take off my clothes, one item at a time, my pants, shirt, then bra, and at last panties. I helped him out of his hoodie, unbuckled his pants, let them fall heavy on the ground as he stepped out of them.

Pushing his boxers down, I noticed scars on his shoulders and stomach, war wounds he called them.

I placed my hands over his shoulders letting them smooth over his skin, feeling at the bumps of where cuts had been sown up and become faded scars, just like mine.

Tommy breathed heavy when I stepped closer to him, feeling his skin warm against mine, his lips gently hoovering over mine, looking at me with a clear glance waiting for my next move.

I moved my lips into his, waiting for a reaction, they where soft and wet and his tongue, immediately traced over my bottom lip and into my mouth. His hands cupped my face as he moved me to the bed.

I sat down on the bed and he followed, placing a hand under my lower back and dragging me up so he was placed between my legs, kissing me harder, grabbing my hips and moving down between my legs, placing his fingers between my slit to feel if I was wet.

A small grunt escaped him when he sensed it and without his lips moving away from mine he guided his hand up and down his own shaft, letting me settle my arms and legs around him, before he guided himself into me. I grabbed onto his back, clawing.

-"Could you please stop, its been a while" I commented, feeling slightly embarrassed.  
His lips only formed a smile and his eyes seemed kinder, as he kissed me on the cheek, then my chin, then traded down my jawline, breathing into my ear, -"You havnt been with anyone since me?"

-"No" I whispered into his shoulder, moving my legs more up so I could push my heels into the side of his back, making myself more comfortable at the sensation of him filling me up.

-"I havnt slept with anyone either, I cant, missed your body" he traded his hands over my breasts and down my stomach, then up my thighs gripping a fast hold before moving, making me wince and grab harder onto him.

-"I love the feeling of you breathing heavily, clutching onto me and making those little noises you always do" he placed his forehead against mine, staring down at me, lips breathing into mine, pressing them down to give me a small peck.

-"Please move" I whimpered, clutching both my arms under his shoulders and pressing my lower body into his.

A small groan escaped him when he started moving and the very feeling of him dragging his dick in and out of me had me shivering and moaning.

-"Tommy" I kissed him, feeling him thrust harder, filling me up at the brink, it felt amazing and blinding all at the same time.

I was losing myself in him again, in the way he moved, the way he touched me and the way he made me feel, every fear I had was gone. He was back and I was clutching onto him, kissing him harder, feeling the heat between our bodies and the sweat that was transpiring.

-"God, Terra" he groaned out, losing himself completely, leaning down on his elbows on each side of my head, grabbing a handful of my hair and just gently squeezing himself down on me while his mouth was buried into my shoulder, sucking and biting hard.

I grabbed both his ass cheeks, pressing him in harder, feeling the wave catching me, I was coming and it felt like I couldn't breathe, my body shook and I whimpered on verge of tears trying to hold onto his body for comfort.

-"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy" I cried out, feeling him tensing above me and the fluid of him flowing into me, he was coming too, grunting and the muscles on his body arching up along with his entire lower body, pushing himself into me one last time.

-"Christ" he breathed letting his weight crush me more, easing into me and just resting his head next to mine.

-"I´m never letting you go, no matter how much you beg or plead, never, ever" he stated kissing my cheek and pulling me into his chest as we lay side by side, my leg swung over his and my arms around hit torso. The feeling of his chest hair grazing against the side of my face.

-"You letting me stay the night?" his thumb pushed over my chin and he smiled in the dark. I didn't answer back just put my head closer to his chest to hear his heart beat, wanting to bury myself into him, if not for forever then just tonight.


End file.
